i felt it…
at that first time you stared at me outside the mall.
on the floor in his house, staring at each other with sinatra playing.
at the carnival, you told me it was the happiest day of your life.
in your eyes.
laying on the ground in the woods, looking up at the stars.
resting my head on your lap on the bus, i opened my eyes and you were looking down at me.
those times you me in the street to get my attention.
when you hugged me on the floor of the grass under the tree to keep me from freezing.
when you waited for me outside the bathroom dorms with those eyes.
when you held my hand in the taxi, to keep my world from spinning.
when we kissed on the train, and everything blurred.
when you told me i was capable of loving so deep.
when i kissed you in the car at four in the morning.
when we drove to montauk in the pouring rain.
trying to keep warm in the hotel bedroom, we were the only occupants.
the night we drove to pirate’s cove, and you sang to me.
the night we smoked green tea and spent hours in the diner talking and sipping on tea.
the night you told me you were leaving, and we will see each other again soon.
the night i drove us to the beach, i held your hand and climbed up the mountain.
when you touched me in the car, and bit the seat.
those kisses that took me away from everything.
when you yelled to me “we are more than friends and you know that” outside the school.
that day we sat on the swings and talked about nothing.
the night you finally kissed me at the show.
when i saw a post on the zoo board looking for a girl named renee.
the night we drank on the bleachers, and you held my hand on the ride home.
the night you cried your eyes out when your cat was screaming of death.
when we walked out of starbucks, holding hands.
the night you drove me around to look at christmas lights.
walking onto the frozen lake of lake george.
drinking hot chocolate in that dead diner of that dead town.
when i told you i would go anywhere with you.
that night we saw a fire from the window, and walked to see what it was.
when we were in the bar i went to kiss you on the cheek, you turned your face and met my lips.
the night you tried to drive in the snow storm to come to the island to see me.
the day you made me chicken parm and lit a table with candles.
the night you told me there was something wrong with you, and I told you it didn’t matter.
the day you held my hand and kissed me under that tree.
that time in the clubhouse we kissed on the count of three.
when you threw me into the dorm showers with all my clothes on and kissed me.
that time you didn’t care what anyone said about me.
the drive to the lake in the dead of winter.
the day you opened your heart and exposed your feelings.
the moments that left me, never given a chance to take them in once more than a single breath.